flawlessl-ve:

sassinhisass:

i was just out on the patio drinking cocoa and listening the the new album and my neighbor across the way is this big scary black guy and he opened his patio door and goes “lil nigga is that one direction” and i nodded and he yelled back into his house “yo jamal. lil nigga across the way likes one direction” then shut the door and im still confused

omfg i am laughing so hard

(Source: dylnobren)

shan-francisco:

Bill Nye opens his mailbox

“BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL” he shouts as he flips through his many house payments due at the end of the month 

chescadaniels:

no but honestly it’s christmas in like 4 days and i have never felt less christmassy in my life

-annoying:

you can totally tell when someone has a tumblr just by looking at them or hearing the way they talk

it’s like a different race or something

usogui:

My dads only comment on the schoolgirl who ran away with her maths teacher was “How many times does 30 go into 15”

(Source: durumu)

screamingcrawfish:

alphaqueer:

daysturnedtoweeks:

When guys have a bath, does their penis float or sink?

i was going to answer this but i’ve been sat here for a good two minutes and i can’t fucking remember

go take a bath what are you doing science is on the line motherfucker